went to nexus last week!!! woohoo!!! like baowei's blog, i really miss a lot of things, even the polluted air outside =D ess was good! overflowed... wha... third service soon!!! praise surprisingly was titled with every(s) yeah!!! song presentations were thumbs up and i had my first foodcourt dinner since 3 weeks of confinement. yummy... had a good chat with sheepie and she finally told me what happened, wha~ sigh of relieve =)

the past months nov-jan wasn't exactly the months i looked forward to. with the constant heavy mind thinking of repeating the school term, the family problems, sheeps problems, financially burdened, health, pastorial, ministry wise, i wanted to give up everything.

then i got the news that i've got to repeat my term. tsunami came and the fish stall was badly affected, sister suddenly moved back from her house due to an unfaithful fiance, couldn't identify with sheeps' same problem in fact don't even know what to do except using own pea brain to counsel, financially badly hit, read somewhere about an olympic athlete who died from complications of epilepsy which scared the legs off me, not even a single contact came and got so tired of doing image cos there's too little help. after xmas, caught fever and then pox, a sabbtical month old break came in just handy. thought a lot about why such things happen and how come and why me. break through came when i saw how my born again sister overcame her obstacles in life. though coming from different churches with diff values and diff teachings and even diff understandings, she showed me how a christian should live - a joyful life and constantly checking whether is she in line with god. so i check myself. why did i have that horrible thought of leaving him? am i tired of doing things, am i trying to carry everything with my own scrawny self or did i stop loving god.

i checked myself again. do i think that i'm wonder woman or some tough cookie. i'm just a small pea sized brain human and one with no strength to boot. how can i handle such stuff? the reason behind all these of not being able to cope under pressure is simple. i didn't let go of the things i was holding onto. i should have given it to god. the moment i surrender to god all my burdens, i felt so light. and god is good. things went back into place one after another. the term has just started and even though i felt so miserable ( because of school and the people there) i wanted to brawl (literally -_-) my eyes out during rtm last night but i felt calm enough not to be silly because god is in control afterall not them who controls my situation. the fish stall is doing better though business is slowly picking up, sister's prob is still one headache but i know god has better plans and perhaps a better husband for her since she got out of the place, slowly identifying with sheeps problems after reading up on christ lit on how to handle problems (ahem that also means reading more helps), financial - i can't see $$ but since now i don't have it most probably i don't need it, epilepsy used to scare me a lot cos if i suddenly faint in nexus like i did the last time, what will happen - and will i meet god earlier to play checkers with him? well i guess he doesn't need a player yet and i'm still needed here on earth =p, no contact came? but eric came - an unknown person who popped out of nowhere and wants to convert - say wha! and lastly, god blessed me with 4 more people joining image - say woohoo!

there you go, my testimony on how i give everything to god instead of keeping to myself. but i know that in the future i will have more problems and i will be emotional about it but this time round, i know that my emotions will be controlled by the holy spirit and not myself anymore. there's a step and there's a time for everything. everything is being planned out by god who carefully sculpt us and mould us.

isaiah 55:8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD .
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

thinking: carrefour sells really cheap delicious thick layered chocolate melts in your mouth soft biscuits for 12 pieces $2.50 . cheap eh?!!!
song: lets the heavens rejoice~