just came back from standing at my window... i stretched out my hands to feel the wind going against my palms. i saw the night lights on the express way thinking maybe i should go for a spin too. i tried squinting, hoping to find one fullerton in the dark night. and i smell the fresh night air, hoping that it might help me think harder about what went wrong. and then i said a little prayer to calm me down... i think i need to pray more.

there are matters which i dont understand, neither do i know whats going on. but never did i literally give up once in spite of stumbling blocks. when the future is unknown, men fear. it literally grips my heart today to find out that actually all along, our relationship is not as close as i thought... we love because He first love us. i think i didnt love you as much as you expected.

i know deep down this is another so called test, or is there a better word to express how i feel about this? i'm not very expressive, neither am i eloquent despite the fact being a very straight forward person in speech. a lot of times i misunderstood you yet i thought i was right and i insisted on my way so many times. i guess i did fail you somehow. the trust is broken in the end.

misunderstandings can tear kinships, spoil friendships and break up relationships.

i will be still and know You are God...

thinking: don't expect...
song: still...