He healed me.

it was so bad that i nearly broke down. i prayed, but having a cynical mindset, i struggle with the issue of faith. i cant even move from my sitting position, least get up and walk to the kitchen. then came the thought of skipping cg. since im in such pain, it's okay that i can forfeit attending it. but faith reminded me through;

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

it made me realise that the reason why i'm always falling ill is because im not faithful enough. not just on believing that He's the Lord and King of kings, but in almost everything i do. overtime, this grows on me until i mask it normal. and again, i gave myself many excuses that its normal. and thus i grow stagnant in my faith and walk with God. and hence i find myself shooting my own foot most of the time.

okay, back to that healing touch from God. almost immediately, the cramp that came from the delay of 2 months visitation was instantly removed. not only could i stand, i could walk. i could even washed the clothes and bring out the bamboo poles to dry the clothes. and in the end, i attended cg as well =) and boy did i benefit from the lesson. im glad i choose to develope that lil mustard seed size faith.

<^7^> ** Prawnkid ** http://prawnkid.blogspot.com says (3:08 AM):
Jesus loves the little children
<^7^> ** Prawnkid ** http://prawnkid.blogspot.com says (3:08 AM):
I always think it would be becoz the children will believe in watever He says or teaches like how I would listen and believe watever my Dad says

this brings back the fact about having a child like faith. this i want to grow in. thank you prawnkid for reminding me once again =)

i cried buckets today, with mixed emotions settling in. from the sense of guilt to overwhelming sadness to anger. i prayed again. i apologised for the many empty promises i gave to Him and for not loving Him enough (this came from elaine's prohesy about daily honouring Him) and for the many *i know i shouldnt do but yet i still do it mistakes*. i give myself so much leeway because everyone's doing it with that kind of mindset. in the end, i'm not only not standing apart from the rest of the world but im allowing myself to slowly dissolve into the world which initially im supposed to be different from, which is to be a light, a beacon to shine in the dark. i want to grow in this too =)

then comes the relationship between jon and me. under the scrutiny of many people, we didnt start off easy. some call it an underground rls. some view it negatively while some gave us their blessings. we both want to work together biblically, to honour God and to expand his kingdom. a relationship is all about getting to know each other and walking together, both having to walk in unison and of cos having Christ as the driver. the road that lies ahead is full of bumps and curves. acceptance as a whole is tough, and while having a benchmark yet wanting each other to reach that certain level is even tougher to accept when the opp party fails to do so. we're both learning and of cos we dont use this *we're learning as an excuse when we both fail* but we're trying our best. this paragraph is a heartfelt reminder to remind both of us that in Christ alone, things can be ironed out. and i thank God for you, jon lee.

:: you raise me up - josh groban ::