i wasnt even finish with the first page and i was already tearing. fat salty tears. i wanted so much to cont reading but i know that i'll probably wet my pillow and be late for work tmr.

this book reminded me of how i wrote letters to my mum when she passed on. i wrote to her about my daily life and studies. i used to asked in the letters, how are you? what are you doing to telling her how much i miss her cooking. i have no idea how on earth she's gonna read them but i just believe that she will. someday. somehow.

looking back, during that whirlpool period of confusion, i couldnt understand what exactly was going on until the day i went to collect her ashes. it's like a reality check that slaps you on the face. she is simply gone. and i will never taste her cooking again. i will never get to hold her hand again and.. she will never ever come back.

it's been 5 years and her face is starting to become vague. the thing i regret most is that i cant even remember my childhood (due to epi) and i only have photographs of her to last me... i cant help but tear again. i really do miss her so much.

:: ps. i love you ::