went to nexus last night... told ah hwa that i felt a sense of distant from nexus and the on going activities itself... i really missed the *busy times* i had with the on-going activities i was somehow involved last time and it has been 6 months ever since i stepped into nexus at night and i cant help but embrace the empty auditorium... this is where service is, it's where my saturdays are spent at, it's where i see the familiar faces that i love and its where my family is.

after 2 weeks of torture of staying back late in school, i finally got a breather (a day only -_-) i really miss my cg people and perdy. i miss my ministry too. in fact, i miss everything... i allow those horrible stressful assignments and projects get in the way of my walk with abba papa that it really has became a stumbling block to my spiritual walk. the usuals of class, the norms of problems but i can't seem to realise and appreciate god and his blessings for me. those 10-15 short prayers seems soo long for me. i dont like this kinda thoughts and i don't want it either. what's going on?

so many times in school i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. but it's my problem and i cant share it with anyone in school, because they won't understand, they will only just nod and smile... i can't identify my problems with anyone in school, so i found an alt. unleash my frustrations through jokes and being lame. but it's getting heavier day by day. i cant always put on a joking mask even if i dont feel like smiling... and whats the point of being labeled the class clown when actually deep inside all i really need is to be heard... not entertain... somehow i really appreciate those times when im in the school comp lab all alone... no one asking me anything... it's just me and the comp screen and my mp3. it's an irony because as a sang sometimes being alone really sux big time.. you know what i mean right sangs? hee...

so thats the reason why how much i really appreciate perdy's staying over last night and that fellowship i had just hours ago with my peeps... now that brings me to remind myself that one of my love language is quality time...

i really don't need anything to fill me in... really... not you not you not you... just him.

thinking: crawling back to projects again!!!
song: and i'll sing... sing... i love you so...